Never really gotten down to thinking what i'd like to achieve in 2011

i just realised.
2011, i'll reach the big 2-0
i feel almost guilty when i say 'the past 20 years of my life..'
oh heck. thats long.

2 decades are *snap gone like that.
Is it okay if i feel a little scared?

God bless my little heart but if i live to 90 (generally speaking)
thats only another 7 decades.
which is 3x +1 what what ive already lived. if that makes sense to you.

I cant believe im not a teenager anymore
oh all the things i wanted to achieve.

You know for this new decade, new step into adulthood,
i know what i want now.....

and dont blame me for not taking the traditional route,
i dont belong here.

dont drown me in your lousy speeches which i know in the back of my head,
about a good education, an ideal job, or a 'good' future.

there is nothing satisfying about doing what you dont love,
even if you earn a 6 digit income a month.
because you slog it out 17 hours a day at the workplace,
and another 3 at home,
and youve got no Love, no Laugh, no Life.

i cant do that.
i'd rather sell coconuts and suntan lotion on a beach in burra burra (no such place)
but enjoy life and its every moments.

i feel trapped in this society for numbheads.
and i dont know how the others do it.

i really cant.

now why again was i born in some rat-race country?
Dear God, i feel like a joke, no joke.


xx Rachel